I have encountered quite a few people in the relatively short duration of my sojourn in this life who have confessed to not a rational, but an emotional doubt in the presence of God in their lives.
"Sure," they say, "God is infinitely good and merciful, and He has a plan, but...I just find it hard to feel that He is with me, in my mediocre life." Or they say, "I cannot understand God's vision of what is good for me, because He is supposed to know all and see all and always bring good out of evil, and always act for our good...but right now I feel horrible. All these tragedies are going on all around me, and I can't make any sense out of the way that my life is going right now." Or they say, "Life is suffering, it is not supposed to make sense, I should not want to be happy as I perceive happiness to be, because my will is so fallen. Feelings should always be distrusted."
First of all, I want to affirm once and for all that life is not simply a non-stop agony and confusion. Life is good. Sometimes it, maybe often, maybe even the majority of our sojourn here, is wrought with danger, with heartache, with grief, with wounds but it is not perpetual torture from a sadistic God and not a maze of unsolvable puzzles tormenting us to no benefit. Life has meaning, and life has consolation.
That being said, it is also important to add that feelings, although they can not be depended upon in the spiritual life, are not meant to be ignored. God did not give you your intuition, your passions, your dreams and desires only to crush them and confuse you. Yes, passions must be harnessed, desires must not rule you, dreams must not take precedence over everything, and people need discipline. That does not mean that they must be stifled. The difference between disciplining your heart and ignoring it, is like the difference between taking a cold shower and burning away your hand so it will not feel anything anymore.
Now then, how to "feel" in your heart that God is with "even" you and has a plan that day after day draws closer in consummation for you...
The best way to fight bad memories, sorrowful moods, loneliness, emptiness and depression is by filling yourself with good memories, good thoughts, positive actions and beautiful phantasams.
If you are feeling lonely, call a friend. Remind yourself of the God who gave your friend that love and warmth by giving love to and receiving love from your friend. Sometimes your unable to feel anything because you are too tired. Sometimes the best thing to do for your spiritual life is to go and take a nap.
Did somebody say something mean and hateful to you? Go find somebody to say something affirmative to, and go read the loving words of Christ in the Scriptures.
Are you being surrounded by ugliness and profanity? Recite the Divine Praises or vocally praise God or bless a person every time you hear the hateful thing pronounced.
Listen to beautiful music, look at beautiful images, do and make beautiful things. Make little actions as simple as getting your co-worker his coffee, or giving your roommate a back rub, overflow with love.
When you are hurting, you will probably be afraid of silence. But believe me, silence is essential for inner peace. If you have a deep wound, silence can be the only way to draw it out, and make it come to a head so that you can talk about it and heal. So conquer your fear, and calm yourself and seek inner silence.
And the most importantly, do not expect immediate results and do not give up. If you want to bear fruit in this, you will have to be courageous and persistent.
If after all this, you still can not feel any spiritual consolation, do not be afraid. God is withdrawing His consolation from you for a very important reason, to wean your soul and strengthen your love. Do not be surprised if the evil ones attack you a lot during that period, but Christ is always fighting with you, even if you can not feel Him, and the time of trial never lasts forever.
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